First Stage: Making contact. When online, it is normally a request for
contact by instant messaging or e-mail, or through a dating service.
Second Stage: Flirting and Courtship. This can either develop slowly or
happen very fast. (Note: Read the section on flirting for helpful hints).
Third Stage: Cyber-Seduction. Success comes to the man and woman who
recognizes what stage they are in or when it is time for a person-to-person
meeting. If it is purely physical and both of you know it, then it is up to each
of you to know where it is going. If there are "no-strings", then tell each
other. If you are looking for more, then TELL each other. Many people only want
a physical relationship and others want a long term one. If you are looking for
an enduring, long term relationship, then take your time to get to know that
person. But please remember, online people can say many things. In person dating
experiences, will tell you if you have met that special someone or discover
other things about that person.
4. Getting to and past the first stage of seduction.
This is the easiest stage and for some the most difficult. Making contact and
determining if the person is interested in your attention, is the crucial part
of any relationship. This stage is the "let me see" mode. If the chatting
advances to this stage, then ensure that you meet in a safe place and you both
have mutually acceptable rules.
Unless either of you have clearly indicated that you only want a physical
relationship, this is NOT the time to start asking about your very personal
life. This is not an issue and no personal information should be exchanged.
Remember, sparks can fly when rubbing two sticks together, but first you have to
have two sticks. If you also have the wrong two sticks, nothing is going to
happen. At this stage, you probably have not yet established a relationship,
just two people chatting online. You probably are seeking that special someone
who can make the sparks fly in the direction you want or to take the
relationship in the direction you want.
In a nut shell, the art of getting past the first stage is knowing how to
make the person comfortable without getting too personal. Know where each
other’s boundaries are at each stage.
5. Let the flirtation games begin! The Second Stage of pre-seduction.
The best flirtation is like a couple dancing together. It takes two. Both
players must be focused on each other and move in the same direction, together.
Most of the time, the man takes the lead and the woman follows until the
flirtation gets to a seduction point when the woman sends an invitational
message to the man. If she is not responding, it could be that you are moving
too fast. SLOW DOWN and make sure the message you are sending out is the one
that she is receiving.
Be interested in what the other person is saying, but don’t ask a lot of
questions at first. Ask common interest questions, then listen, but don't make
him or her feel like they are on the witness stand. This is not an interview or
examination. You are seeing if you both have common interests and if there is
possibility of a relationship.
Never ask questions about her body parts or her dimensions unless she is
willing to volunteer that level of information. Unless there is an indication
from the woman that her interests are mainly physical, then her dimensions are
not that important. If she indicates it is only physical, then those kinds of
questions are not out of line and you could even discuss both of your
dimensions!
But most of the time the open-ended questions are the best type of questions
such as, How do you feel about....? What do you think about this…..? like best
about...? Have your ever wanted to try…? What type of music do you listen to….?
General questions will get you more specific answers, then you will know how to
proceed. It is better than starting off asking a specific question of your like
rock or classical?
Leading questions also don’t really tell you a lot about that person. Those
kind of questions tend to lead to yes or no answers and they do not help you
make a valid opinion about that person. It also tends to cut short any
conversation fast. Keep the lines of communication going. Chatting online can be
a major step towards a rewarding relationship. You may find that people who have
been divorced are reluctant to talk about their past until they feel a sense
that they can trust you. It may take some additional chatting. Keep a look out
on those people who respond to your questions with just a few words. It may be
that they are shy, but it could also mean that they may be hiding something. So
be sure to listen and learn about the person you are cybering with. If you don't
want to answer their questions, just be honest and tell that person that you are
not ready to discuss it yet. Or indicate that since there is only a short period
of time that you are online that you want to use the time talking about other
things. Overall, most people do appreciate honesty and a candid response.
Remember the person with whom you are communicating with can’t read your mind
and they certainly can’t see your body language unless, of course, you have a
camera. So don’t let their minds fill in the blanks. Remember - always keep
moving towards a connection and don’t get disconnected by any misconception or
messages you are giving.
6. Lay your cards on the table! You might find that you are both holding the
same two cards. It is much better than holding back and finding out later on
that one of you were bluffing the other.
So be HONEST!! If you don't look like a number 10, what ever that is, don’t
pretend to be. The same goes for body parts. Ladies, if you have small breasts
don’t tell the man you have double D’s. You might miss out on the man who was
looking for what you really have to offer. The same goes for a man. Don’t
pretend to be a star ladies man when you are not. If you pretend to be someone
you are not, then you will get that someone you are not looking for or you will
not be able to keep up with the facade. So be honest about your likes and
dislikes. Some people think being honest is taking a risk. One way to look at
it, is that it is the only way the person can truly like you is by being honest.
If you have children from a prior marriage or relationship, don’t hide the
fact!! Your children deserve more than that! If you only want a physical
relationship, then keeping personal information private may be the best
approach, but tell the person! Most of all - - Be truthful about your intentions
during the first two stages. Any lie at this stage could end it all.
If you are not looking for a romance, don't pretend to be. If you are only
looking for someone to share physical pleasures with, never pretend to be
someone looking for love. Set some ground rules based on your likes and dislikes
and give your intentions.
Consider if a person wants an open marriage but you have Christian
principles, then you certainly don’t have a match so don’t pretend it to be one.
Move on until you find that person who matches your desires. The ten best dating
services that are listed on this website has something for everyone.
After you get past the first stage and find yourself getting closer to the
second stage, start revealing something about yourself first then ask him or her
to do the same. If you have not even had sex because you are waiting for the
special someone, tell them like it is. To some this may be a deal breaker, and
to others it is a deal maker. Something like these differences in lifestyles is
extremely important since you both should be on the same page. The same goes for
your intention to have children or not. If having children is very important,
then the other person should disclose whether they want children or if they can
even have children due to medical reasons or perhaps they have been "fixed".
These important choices must be shared. As long as both parties are feeling
respect and trust, the better the chance that it all will work out for the best.
Dating service profiles indicated a lot about a person. They are there to
make matches and the system works very well as long as two parties are honest
about each other. Being honest is extremely important in making things work
between you and the person you have selected.